The future PM kicking us off there. Cheers Jez. Yep, Everton are back, kicking off our treble winning season against Wolves. What? Yes I know I didn’t want Marco Silva, and yes I thought he was crap before he came in, I’m sorry. But after a brilliant transfer window and a frantic deadline day where we announced ex Shakhtar man Bernard and Barcelona duo Yerry Mina and Andre Gomes within the space of half an hour, I am believing again. Him and Brands had transformed us from a slow, bloated mess of a squad to one full of South American flair, strength and power. We’ve gone from suffering the likes of Baines, Williams, Jags and Keane possessing the speed of canal boats in pre season to having Digne, Mina and Zouma, two big powerhouses in defence in the space of a few days. The best window and certainly the best deadline day since 13/14 when Martinez changed our season by getting McCarthy, Barry and Lukaku. Our late business has transformed us from being a possible distant 7th or 8th to a side that can take on anyone and challenge for a return to Europe.
On a day where Sky pulled out all the stops by inviting on several fan channel presenters, most of whom still came out looking more intelligent than Paul Merson, especially that Spurs fella “Expressions Oozing” whose line “we have more chemistry than the periodic table” being a particular highlight, having a woman outside singing Hey Big Spender, some Palace reporter moaning all day about getting a little splash from Van Aanholt and lastly challenging Alan Myers to do the floss, which was a bit of a letdown, the best moment had to go to ToffeeTV’s Ped who silenced that gravy swilling dinosaur Allardyce for a good half an hour when he said it was great “having a manager who would attack Liverpool because we didn’t have that last season”. We also got accused of ruining the transfer window by Merson by buying Richarlison, I guess in the same way he ruined the very few brain cells he ever had anyway by taking all those drugs. His stupidity was hardly a surprise anyway when you remember that when Marco first arrived in England 2 years he was dismissed simply as being “this geezer”.
It’s good to be positive about the club again after quite a bit of moaning and doom mongering in pre season. I don’t see what the issue was, we won 26-12… I’ve never took pre season results seriously anyway, last season we’d been unbeaten in friendlies and look what happened. The defence did look shambolic though which makes the additions of Mina and Zouma even more crucial. So what did we learn? Well, Jags is done, as proved by being knocked over by a Blackburn forward in sensational fashion, Richarlison looks class, easily our best player and if he carries on the way he’s started will make his fee seem a snip. Finally, the most obvious conclusion: Darren Griffiths is very gullible. #efclive was taken full advantage of as he read out such gold as smart those jeans, Daquis, Rennes being named after Rene from ‘Allo ‘Allo and the Algarve being in Spain.
So finally onto our opponents Portugal. Oh I’m sorry, Wolves. Easily done, as they’ve signed half of the population of the Iberian Penninsula. Everyone seems to think they’ll finish in the top 8. I don’t get this. They’ll probably come around 9th-12th at least but I think there’s wild overhype of them. For instance Raul Jimenez will be up front and he only managed 18 goals in 80 games for Benfica, which frankly is shocking. Moutinho, billed as a massive coup is nearly 32, Rui Patricio is probably only Portuguese League level and the others were just the permanent additions of those that had been on loans. I will concede however that Dendoncker is a decent buy for them at £12m. That’s another point, how did they get these players signed so cheaply? Something dodgy’s going on there.
So, my prediction for the season then. My head says 7th but a closer push to the top 6, my heart though says ah sod it, we’re winning something. Up the toffees x